Slipping through the cracks.

So i know its been quite a while since i did one of thease, but i here i am. so school started and so did the drama....there was a point in time when i didnt have one friend at school this year, well me and dani are getting along againa and it feels like its us aginst the world, pretty much everyone there hates ussss....we try not to let it bother us tho, we have fun, and we are living life to the fullest, and we tell ourselvs everyday that we are better then them :)

Yes the rumours are true, the boy is back, matt hollenbeck who i havent talked to in over two years came back....and it almost seems like we picked up right where we left off. im in love with the boy, hes going through a rough time right now, we currently arnt dating because of his situation, but neither of us are giving up.

The first snow of the year fell a few nights ago, ick! it just puts me in such a bad mood and all i want to do is.....sit here and post a blog! haha. its only october and it has frozen over every night for the past week! its gonna be a long winter.

Yet again i am diving, and yet again i have no idea what i was thinking signing up for the damn thing! i hate it! but i currently am qualified and seated at 7th in the state....thats saying something! too bad i dont give a damn about it, me and my coach arnt the best of friends so that never helps, and i pulled my groin so im in pain.

Me and my parents are getting along really well acctually, fuckin weird huh?? i know but it has been nice, to come home from a long day of drama in school and swimming, and have none at home.

thats about all thats going on with me right now, nothing too exciting but its what i got!

Love you all
Em.

Sweet summer time???

I know, i know its been forever!!! im sorry. but i have alot to say, so it will be a good one. well summer is here, anddd its almost over, and i have done almost nothing, working and thats it. thats all i have time for. i went to a concert with my friends, and i went to diving camp. thats it.

Andrew and i broke up, the whole distance thing started to get to us, we all knew it would in the end. i wasnt too heartbroken because thats what he wanted. and i think thats when you know you really love someone, is when you will give up anything for there happiness. i really am trying hard to stay friends with him, keep in touch that kinda thing, we will see how it works.

i am currently dating will. he just got out of boot camp, he was a huge pot head, druggy, and boozer. he has 3 DUI, and two POM. so they sent him away and he just got back. and to tell you the truth i really think he has changed, i havent seen or heard of him doing anything bad since he got back. there is a part of me that feels like a babysitter more then a girlfriend tho, he cant drive because of his DUI so i pretty much am in charge of that. but that boy does something for me idk what but its something.

before leaving for camp i was desperately close to telling my parents i was moving out, me and my mom fought ALOT! but now that im back we are getting along better, my dad on the other hand is getting really short with everything, i guess i cant really blame him tho, my grandpa just got put in the nursing home and he hates it there, he cant remember who my dad is or who my grandma is, it is really heartbreaking.

me and my friends are doing good, i havent got to see nicole much, we both work way too much, me and everyone Else are doing pretty good i guess, no big fights so that has to be saying something. i havent had much time with them tho, we all are way too busy.

fair starts today, i hope it all goes well and we all have a good time, im kinda worried about it tho, dani has true down here and we...arnt the best of friends, nicole is away at camp....and who knows what wills plans are.

well thats about all thats going on with my life pretty boring. but i will be back around soon!

Love you all
Em

A sentance of death, or forgivness????

For my second semester English final this year, our teacher told us we were going to be doing debates. i got paired up with one of my good friends and we were giving our topic, the death penalty. and my first instinct was PRO. so that's the side we took. i mean really what would happen if someone killed someone, an eye for an eye right, dirty bastards deserve every bit of it, and in reality that's what a lot of people think. But as i start to research more of it, and actually think about it....its ridiculous. here me out for a second, why would we kill people, who killed people, to show that killing people was wrong??? that completely goes against our morals as a society. when given the death penalty, it is completely inhumane...they put a wet sponge on your head, and electrocute you to death. what if you had a wife and kid at home, and you got issued the death penalty, two family's would be mourning, not just one. why cause this world more pain and suffering. god didn't put people on this earth too kill them, or kill them for killing someone. I'm not saying what they did was right, but it doesn't have to be this harsh. What in the world does this have to do with Em right?? Everything, why should i get back at people, why should i listen to the people when they are the side lines telling me to beat her ass?? that's completely un logical. i know i am Strong enuf to take all the pain on my self, why share it with someone who might not be??

Random

This will problably be the most random entry you will ever read.
i have a lot to say and i havent written anything in a long time so here it goes.

So i kind feel like im in love with this kid, his name is andrew and he says he loves me. the only problem is that he lives forever away and i never see him and i feel like heartbreak is due any time now, im trying to be safe and not get in too deep, and then get crused in the end. but for now, its working.

Prom is comming up soon, i am again going with andy, he is extreamly picky about it this year. last year i picked everything out and he sat there and said ok. this year he is having a fit about what color im painting my toes. its kind of a sad thing, i think he is trying to get with me and i think that he is falling in love with me, and i dont know what to do, he is my best friend thats it. nothing more, i dont know what to tell him

Me and my friends...ehhh we got along for a quite a while, then we got in a little spit, but i think its all about to work out here soon, we all have our faluts and friends are just there to be honist enough to show us what they are.

My family is getting along ok. there is alot of drama going on with my dads side of the family and my grandparents... but you know it happens, half of their kids say nursing home, the others say lets try everything eles fist. i am currently driving, so thats fun...my parents still dont trust me for anything, but thats just what happens sometimes. im getting close to being done with my second year here at psh, it is going by so fast! i think only 2 more years and im done?!?!? i dont even know whats after that, i cant even think to see that far!

all in all my life is pretty chill right now, it has its ups and its downs but it will all work out, this summer should be a blast, i just took on a nother position at the theater and the softball and gymnastics sesaon is comming up so i will be bussy working for the rec. it should be a blast!

Love you all
Em.

Dear holder of my heart,

If I hand my heart to you, you obviously mean something to me

I want you to do everything you can to make sure you don’t hurt me

I know I fall in love way too fast.

I know I trust way too easily

I know its gonna end up with me broken and in tears.

I know it wont last forever.

I know I believe every word you say.

I know your just like all the rest.

I know in the end it will just make me stronger.

But heart break after heart break, gets old fast.

But there is just something that makes you seem worth it.

In the end I know I will be mad.

But the sort time that we would spend together, you will make me smile.

And that’s all that matters.

Revenge?

So one of my best friends is fighting with one of her (ex) friends. And she is so intent on making her life a living hell. And I thought….this isn’t gonna get you anywhere. What is the point of doing the same thing to her as shes doing to you. It makes no since to me, if someone is really trying to get you mad, why show them that you are mad, it just lets them know you are winning. I guess I just think about things like this more then others, but It just proves that you are no better then them. If it was really a eye for and eye, the whole world would be blind. This is super cliché but what every teenage girl really wants….is WORLD PEACE. If you think about it, it makes total since, nobody can no better then a 16 year old girl how backstabbing and mean somebody can be. I wonder what the world would be like if we could all let everything roll off our backs, let things go and just walk down the halls and smile at the ones that hurt us the most. Why waste our time making others unhappy, it wont make you feel any better about yourself. I don’t know it has just been bothering me.

Love you all,
Em.

~My to do list~

So in order to have something to aim for in life, im going to make a to do list, of things that NEED to happen before i die.

Take a road trip with the people that mean the most to me.
New York on new years eve.
Have a goat for a pet.
Cliff diving.
Lear to play the harp.
Spring break with my girls.
Go back to Cancun, with my friends.
Get a place of my own right after graduation.
Get into MSU Bozmen.
Work in a bakery.
Buy a Corvette one day.
Walk on the beach with the one i love.
Leave the content.
Make it to all 4 proms.
Work in a flower shop.
Spend an entire day just laying on a roof.
Turkey hunting.
Break into the pool in the middle of the night.
Pig wrestling.
Demo derby when im 18.
Find the one i love and grow old with him.
Live up my life in the next 2 years of PHS!