Slipping through the cracks.

So i know its been quite a while since i did one of thease, but i here i am. so school started and so did the drama....there was a point in time when i didnt have one friend at school this year, well me and dani are getting along againa and it feels like its us aginst the world, pretty much everyone there hates ussss....we try not to let it bother us tho, we have fun, and we are living life to the fullest, and we tell ourselvs everyday that we are better then them :)

Yes the rumours are true, the boy is back, matt hollenbeck who i havent talked to in over two years came back....and it almost seems like we picked up right where we left off. im in love with the boy, hes going through a rough time right now, we currently arnt dating because of his situation, but neither of us are giving up.

The first snow of the year fell a few nights ago, ick! it just puts me in such a bad mood and all i want to do is.....sit here and post a blog! haha. its only october and it has frozen over every night for the past week! its gonna be a long winter.

Yet again i am diving, and yet again i have no idea what i was thinking signing up for the damn thing! i hate it! but i currently am qualified and seated at 7th in the state....thats saying something! too bad i dont give a damn about it, me and my coach arnt the best of friends so that never helps, and i pulled my groin so im in pain.

Me and my parents are getting along really well acctually, fuckin weird huh?? i know but it has been nice, to come home from a long day of drama in school and swimming, and have none at home.

thats about all thats going on with me right now, nothing too exciting but its what i got!

Love you all
Em.

Sweet summer time???

I know, i know its been forever!!! im sorry. but i have alot to say, so it will be a good one. well summer is here, anddd its almost over, and i have done almost nothing, working and thats it. thats all i have time for. i went to a concert with my friends, and i went to diving camp. thats it.

Andrew and i broke up, the whole distance thing started to get to us, we all knew it would in the end. i wasnt too heartbroken because thats what he wanted. and i think thats when you know you really love someone, is when you will give up anything for there happiness. i really am trying hard to stay friends with him, keep in touch that kinda thing, we will see how it works.

i am currently dating will. he just got out of boot camp, he was a huge pot head, druggy, and boozer. he has 3 DUI, and two POM. so they sent him away and he just got back. and to tell you the truth i really think he has changed, i havent seen or heard of him doing anything bad since he got back. there is a part of me that feels like a babysitter more then a girlfriend tho, he cant drive because of his DUI so i pretty much am in charge of that. but that boy does something for me idk what but its something.

before leaving for camp i was desperately close to telling my parents i was moving out, me and my mom fought ALOT! but now that im back we are getting along better, my dad on the other hand is getting really short with everything, i guess i cant really blame him tho, my grandpa just got put in the nursing home and he hates it there, he cant remember who my dad is or who my grandma is, it is really heartbreaking.

me and my friends are doing good, i havent got to see nicole much, we both work way too much, me and everyone Else are doing pretty good i guess, no big fights so that has to be saying something. i havent had much time with them tho, we all are way too busy.

fair starts today, i hope it all goes well and we all have a good time, im kinda worried about it tho, dani has true down here and we...arnt the best of friends, nicole is away at camp....and who knows what wills plans are.

well thats about all thats going on with my life pretty boring. but i will be back around soon!

Love you all
Em

A sentance of death, or forgivness????

For my second semester English final this year, our teacher told us we were going to be doing debates. i got paired up with one of my good friends and we were giving our topic, the death penalty. and my first instinct was PRO. so that's the side we took. i mean really what would happen if someone killed someone, an eye for an eye right, dirty bastards deserve every bit of it, and in reality that's what a lot of people think. But as i start to research more of it, and actually think about it....its ridiculous. here me out for a second, why would we kill people, who killed people, to show that killing people was wrong??? that completely goes against our morals as a society. when given the death penalty, it is completely inhumane...they put a wet sponge on your head, and electrocute you to death. what if you had a wife and kid at home, and you got issued the death penalty, two family's would be mourning, not just one. why cause this world more pain and suffering. god didn't put people on this earth too kill them, or kill them for killing someone. I'm not saying what they did was right, but it doesn't have to be this harsh. What in the world does this have to do with Em right?? Everything, why should i get back at people, why should i listen to the people when they are the side lines telling me to beat her ass?? that's completely un logical. i know i am Strong enuf to take all the pain on my self, why share it with someone who might not be??

Random

This will problably be the most random entry you will ever read.
i have a lot to say and i havent written anything in a long time so here it goes.

So i kind feel like im in love with this kid, his name is andrew and he says he loves me. the only problem is that he lives forever away and i never see him and i feel like heartbreak is due any time now, im trying to be safe and not get in too deep, and then get crused in the end. but for now, its working.

Prom is comming up soon, i am again going with andy, he is extreamly picky about it this year. last year i picked everything out and he sat there and said ok. this year he is having a fit about what color im painting my toes. its kind of a sad thing, i think he is trying to get with me and i think that he is falling in love with me, and i dont know what to do, he is my best friend thats it. nothing more, i dont know what to tell him

Me and my friends...ehhh we got along for a quite a while, then we got in a little spit, but i think its all about to work out here soon, we all have our faluts and friends are just there to be honist enough to show us what they are.

My family is getting along ok. there is alot of drama going on with my dads side of the family and my grandparents... but you know it happens, half of their kids say nursing home, the others say lets try everything eles fist. i am currently driving, so thats fun...my parents still dont trust me for anything, but thats just what happens sometimes. im getting close to being done with my second year here at psh, it is going by so fast! i think only 2 more years and im done?!?!? i dont even know whats after that, i cant even think to see that far!

all in all my life is pretty chill right now, it has its ups and its downs but it will all work out, this summer should be a blast, i just took on a nother position at the theater and the softball and gymnastics sesaon is comming up so i will be bussy working for the rec. it should be a blast!

Love you all
Em.

Dear holder of my heart,

If I hand my heart to you, you obviously mean something to me

I want you to do everything you can to make sure you don’t hurt me

I know I fall in love way too fast.

I know I trust way too easily

I know its gonna end up with me broken and in tears.

I know it wont last forever.

I know I believe every word you say.

I know your just like all the rest.

I know in the end it will just make me stronger.

But heart break after heart break, gets old fast.

But there is just something that makes you seem worth it.

In the end I know I will be mad.

But the sort time that we would spend together, you will make me smile.

And that’s all that matters.

Revenge?

So one of my best friends is fighting with one of her (ex) friends. And she is so intent on making her life a living hell. And I thought….this isn’t gonna get you anywhere. What is the point of doing the same thing to her as shes doing to you. It makes no since to me, if someone is really trying to get you mad, why show them that you are mad, it just lets them know you are winning. I guess I just think about things like this more then others, but It just proves that you are no better then them. If it was really a eye for and eye, the whole world would be blind. This is super cliché but what every teenage girl really wants….is WORLD PEACE. If you think about it, it makes total since, nobody can no better then a 16 year old girl how backstabbing and mean somebody can be. I wonder what the world would be like if we could all let everything roll off our backs, let things go and just walk down the halls and smile at the ones that hurt us the most. Why waste our time making others unhappy, it wont make you feel any better about yourself. I don’t know it has just been bothering me.

Love you all,
Em.

~My to do list~

So in order to have something to aim for in life, im going to make a to do list, of things that NEED to happen before i die.

Take a road trip with the people that mean the most to me.
New York on new years eve.
Have a goat for a pet.
Cliff diving.
Lear to play the harp.
Spring break with my girls.
Go back to Cancun, with my friends.
Get a place of my own right after graduation.
Get into MSU Bozmen.
Work in a bakery.
Buy a Corvette one day.
Walk on the beach with the one i love.
Leave the content.
Make it to all 4 proms.
Work in a flower shop.
Spend an entire day just laying on a roof.
Turkey hunting.
Break into the pool in the middle of the night.
Pig wrestling.
Demo derby when im 18.
Find the one i love and grow old with him.
Live up my life in the next 2 years of PHS!

It's weird, you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second. just so it can hurt a little more.

you know, this feeling is crazy. im handling it well, im so so so confused at this point i fall in love with guy A then i fall in love with guy B. guy A says fuck you, two weeks later guy B says the same. now guy A comes back and is like heyyy. lol. thats the blonde version anyways. but in all seriousness, im so confused he hurt me so bad, intentionally, but now he knows he is wrong and proved to me that he really does care. i had sooo much to say to him, wanted to chew him out. tell him how bad i hurt. then he called, and my mind went blank...i was lost, i still am. he asked me what i wanted and i said it doesnt matter, i dont really know, im just going the way life takes me. and really im not going to expect anything im not gonna want anything just go with the flow. i just dont want to be compleatly along, as long as i have my friends im good. hes going to be in town for a couple more days, maybe i will get a chance to see him and maybe it will change my feelings. thats all for now, ill let you know how it goes lol :)

love you all
Em.

.:Missing the way things used to be:.

So lately i have been incredibly blank....i dont know what it is, i would normally be "depressed" but i cant say that im quite that bad. sean and i broke up, he said he cant be committed, but there is something going on with him and his family that i dont know about so, im kinda letting it go, i really really like him alot but what ever makes that kid happy. me and my mom got into a fight again, like a big fight....and if you ask about what, i honestly couldnt tell you. shes wayyy too over dramatic and i dont remember, so i go to school, try not to make things worse, come home sit in my room and try not to make things worse. i took this whole long weekend off so that i could just be with my friends and take some time to myself....but im ending up having to work 3 out of the 4 days anyways, so that didnt work. i just want to hang out with the person i can trust 100% and that would be my bffl NICOLE. i love her to death, she might be comming up this weekend, but i have to work so she just might have to hang around a bit. lol :) but i always feel soooo much better when i hang out with her. this is a totally pointless blog, but i just dont know what to do about sean...wait it out, or let it fall?? idk...ill keep you posted.

love you all
Em.

Live Laugh Love.

And thats exactly what im trying to do, live laugh love. for some reason im extremely happy with my life right now, my and sean are doing great im really falling for this kid, me and my friends are really getting along (surprise surprise) im keeping busy with my TWO jobs, yes me..the lazy slacker with two jobs, making money and getting to see alot of people doing it. me and my parents are ok...trying not to kill each other, i just try and avoid them thus avoiding conflict and to be completely honest with you...im ok with that. you know i am grounded and failing 2 classes...but right now im just on cloud nine, and i love that i can be like that. its not often that im ever this happy...its kinda weird, and i know that tomorrow i will be compleatly unhappy with my life, but thats a new day. im really excited for prom....the only problem is my boyfriend doesnt want to go, uppsetting right. im thinking i can talk him into it tho... i hope. but i found the most amazing dress EVER! its probably the most beautiful thing ever. i just need to find a date or what ever??

Da Reef!

so today, for getting my EXALANT grades that i always get (by the way im grounded this weeked cuz of my grades) our school decided to take our class on a trip to the reef. it was probably the funnest thing like ever. there were slides, a huge hot tub, wave pools, lots of food, and lots of hot lifegaurds! the bus ride there was hell. we hated it but once me and sasha got there we walked in and it was....still lame, we went and sat in the hot tub, borad outta our mind. sooo we decide to go on the slides.....funnest thing ever! going down in the double tube with sasha was the funnest. then going and taking a break and tubing in the wave pool :) the hot tubbing, after we got sick of the water for a bit, we decided to go in and play in the arcade, thanks to me who brought over $11 in quarters lol. that was the crazy crazy fun. then it was to go get lunch and back to the slides. it was amazing. here are some pics!

~Quotes~

Ok so today im home sick. board outta my mind... so i decided to juse to make a list of quotes...that describe my life, how i feel, what i want, and everything inbetween. so here it goes.

You just have to live your life not caring what they think and shake off the drama and prove to them that you're better than they think you are.

Move on. its just a chapter in the past. but dont close the book. just turn the page.

Tell me i cant and ill show you i can

Behind every beautiful girl there's a dumbass guy who did her wrong and made her strong.

& shes the girl with her middle finger in the air. cause for the first time she doesnt care

Many people have told me that i've changed. but the truth is i think i've just found myself

Simply put. ill rock your world

We're just silly little girls who fall for stupid boys

as you could probably tell im feeling very deep today. i dont know what it is, maybe the fact that there is another "man" thats trying to come into my life, what about the old one..who lives forever away? now what, the fact that this "new one" is one of my best friends ex, confuses the whole thing, maybe its that i just miss my man that lives 6 hours away. who knows. maybe its that i dont know what my friends think of me anymore, i have one friend left that i know is still here for me idk. i used to feel so confident, so strong, so independednt. but now i dont know whats going on in the world i feel awkward around the people that i have spent so much time around and made so many memories. i think that staying home from school today was a good choice, i need a day to just chill in my pjs with no makeup on and just relax. dont forget to show me some love guys! it makes me smile.

love you all. Em

First blog.

so there isnt much going on in my life as of now, so much so that i need to start a blog :) im just living my life to the fullest trying to get along with my friens, parents, and peers. trying to juggle school work and my very busy social life lol. the reason i am starting a blog is because recently at work my friend told me about her blog, and i thought to myself hmmm wouldnt that be cool...keep everything that happened to me stuffed away somewhere in a file, and i hate writing so i couldnt keep a journal, pluss the fact that i cant read my own writing. i thank god everyday that i have a computer in my room, seeing as that is where i spend all of my free time. im not the first one to get along with my parents, expecially my mom...thats just how it goes tho. my love life you ask? there isnt one. the one person i might possibly have a connection with lives over 4 hours away and it would just be hard to have a "relationship" with him, so we try and keep it casual. how is school going? its school i cant think of one 16 year old girl, in their right mind that likes it, i think to myself only 2 and a half years left...makes everything sooo much better. im going to try and keep this updated as much as possible when anything fun pops up, have any good quotes or deep feelings, this is more for me to look back on then for your intertainment, but i do love it when people can reed about my life and know what i am thinking. so much love everybody come back soon!