It's weird, you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second. just so it can hurt a little more.

you know, this feeling is crazy. im handling it well, im so so so confused at this point i fall in love with guy A then i fall in love with guy B. guy A says fuck you, two weeks later guy B says the same. now guy A comes back and is like heyyy. lol. thats the blonde version anyways. but in all seriousness, im so confused he hurt me so bad, intentionally, but now he knows he is wrong and proved to me that he really does care. i had sooo much to say to him, wanted to chew him out. tell him how bad i hurt. then he called, and my mind went blank...i was lost, i still am. he asked me what i wanted and i said it doesnt matter, i dont really know, im just going the way life takes me. and really im not going to expect anything im not gonna want anything just go with the flow. i just dont want to be compleatly along, as long as i have my friends im good. hes going to be in town for a couple more days, maybe i will get a chance to see him and maybe it will change my feelings. thats all for now, ill let you know how it goes lol :)

love you all
Em.

.:Missing the way things used to be:.

So lately i have been incredibly blank....i dont know what it is, i would normally be "depressed" but i cant say that im quite that bad. sean and i broke up, he said he cant be committed, but there is something going on with him and his family that i dont know about so, im kinda letting it go, i really really like him alot but what ever makes that kid happy. me and my mom got into a fight again, like a big fight....and if you ask about what, i honestly couldnt tell you. shes wayyy too over dramatic and i dont remember, so i go to school, try not to make things worse, come home sit in my room and try not to make things worse. i took this whole long weekend off so that i could just be with my friends and take some time to myself....but im ending up having to work 3 out of the 4 days anyways, so that didnt work. i just want to hang out with the person i can trust 100% and that would be my bffl NICOLE. i love her to death, she might be comming up this weekend, but i have to work so she just might have to hang around a bit. lol :) but i always feel soooo much better when i hang out with her. this is a totally pointless blog, but i just dont know what to do about sean...wait it out, or let it fall?? idk...ill keep you posted.

love you all
Em.

Live Laugh Love.

And thats exactly what im trying to do, live laugh love. for some reason im extremely happy with my life right now, my and sean are doing great im really falling for this kid, me and my friends are really getting along (surprise surprise) im keeping busy with my TWO jobs, yes me..the lazy slacker with two jobs, making money and getting to see alot of people doing it. me and my parents are ok...trying not to kill each other, i just try and avoid them thus avoiding conflict and to be completely honest with you...im ok with that. you know i am grounded and failing 2 classes...but right now im just on cloud nine, and i love that i can be like that. its not often that im ever this happy...its kinda weird, and i know that tomorrow i will be compleatly unhappy with my life, but thats a new day. im really excited for prom....the only problem is my boyfriend doesnt want to go, uppsetting right. im thinking i can talk him into it tho... i hope. but i found the most amazing dress EVER! its probably the most beautiful thing ever. i just need to find a date or what ever??

Da Reef!

so today, for getting my EXALANT grades that i always get (by the way im grounded this weeked cuz of my grades) our school decided to take our class on a trip to the reef. it was probably the funnest thing like ever. there were slides, a huge hot tub, wave pools, lots of food, and lots of hot lifegaurds! the bus ride there was hell. we hated it but once me and sasha got there we walked in and it was....still lame, we went and sat in the hot tub, borad outta our mind. sooo we decide to go on the slides.....funnest thing ever! going down in the double tube with sasha was the funnest. then going and taking a break and tubing in the wave pool :) the hot tubbing, after we got sick of the water for a bit, we decided to go in and play in the arcade, thanks to me who brought over $11 in quarters lol. that was the crazy crazy fun. then it was to go get lunch and back to the slides. it was amazing. here are some pics!

~Quotes~

Ok so today im home sick. board outta my mind... so i decided to juse to make a list of quotes...that describe my life, how i feel, what i want, and everything inbetween. so here it goes.

You just have to live your life not caring what they think and shake off the drama and prove to them that you're better than they think you are.

Move on. its just a chapter in the past. but dont close the book. just turn the page.

Tell me i cant and ill show you i can

Behind every beautiful girl there's a dumbass guy who did her wrong and made her strong.

& shes the girl with her middle finger in the air. cause for the first time she doesnt care

Many people have told me that i've changed. but the truth is i think i've just found myself

Simply put. ill rock your world

We're just silly little girls who fall for stupid boys

as you could probably tell im feeling very deep today. i dont know what it is, maybe the fact that there is another "man" thats trying to come into my life, what about the old one..who lives forever away? now what, the fact that this "new one" is one of my best friends ex, confuses the whole thing, maybe its that i just miss my man that lives 6 hours away. who knows. maybe its that i dont know what my friends think of me anymore, i have one friend left that i know is still here for me idk. i used to feel so confident, so strong, so independednt. but now i dont know whats going on in the world i feel awkward around the people that i have spent so much time around and made so many memories. i think that staying home from school today was a good choice, i need a day to just chill in my pjs with no makeup on and just relax. dont forget to show me some love guys! it makes me smile.

love you all. Em

First blog.

so there isnt much going on in my life as of now, so much so that i need to start a blog :) im just living my life to the fullest trying to get along with my friens, parents, and peers. trying to juggle school work and my very busy social life lol. the reason i am starting a blog is because recently at work my friend told me about her blog, and i thought to myself hmmm wouldnt that be cool...keep everything that happened to me stuffed away somewhere in a file, and i hate writing so i couldnt keep a journal, pluss the fact that i cant read my own writing. i thank god everyday that i have a computer in my room, seeing as that is where i spend all of my free time. im not the first one to get along with my parents, expecially my mom...thats just how it goes tho. my love life you ask? there isnt one. the one person i might possibly have a connection with lives over 4 hours away and it would just be hard to have a "relationship" with him, so we try and keep it casual. how is school going? its school i cant think of one 16 year old girl, in their right mind that likes it, i think to myself only 2 and a half years left...makes everything sooo much better. im going to try and keep this updated as much as possible when anything fun pops up, have any good quotes or deep feelings, this is more for me to look back on then for your intertainment, but i do love it when people can reed about my life and know what i am thinking. so much love everybody come back soon!